Month: November 2024

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Parents Zone

Improving Children’s “Slow” Attitude Toward Tasks

Parenting Tips

November 2024

Provided by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong

 

Often, impatient parents find themselves with children who move at a “slow” pace. For example, a little girl might be lying in bed when her mother calls her: “Get up, change your clothes…” But she continues to lie there. The anxious mother, unable to bear the ticking clock, might exclaim, “It’s too late!” and proceed to pull out clothes and accessories. Even if the girl stays lying down, her mother may lift her up to change her clothes and brush her teeth. In this process, the girl learns that by remaining unresponsive, her mother will ultimately do everything for her. This becomes a “reward” in her eyes, leading to a vicious cycle.

 

Thus, we often think it’s time for the child to speed up and learn to do things independently, rather than having the mother constantly urging her on or even helping her. At this moment, both sides face significant challenges. First, the mother must learn to control her anger. After all, this isn’t just a one-time issue; past experiences can leave a deep imprint on her. So, when she anticipates the next morning’s struggle to wake her daughter, she may already feel frustrated and impatient. With such feelings, it becomes difficult for her to give her daughter the space to dress herself. The first thing the mother needs to learn is self-regulation. What does that mean? It starts with telling herself, “Let’s start over.”

Secondly, the girl has learned that lying in bed without moving for a while will lead her mother to help her. Thus, for the daughter to find it easier to act, the mother must control her anger and allow her space to get dressed. Additionally, parents can offer rewards; for instance, they could designate the upcoming week as “Get Up by Yourself Week.” If the daughter can wake up and brush her teeth within 20 minutes, she could earn a reward, such as candy or an extra five minutes of playtime with her toys. This way, the daughter feels more motivated, and with her mother giving her space, she will gradually learn to do it herself.

 

After all the children finish their cake, they begin to play together. When Huen sees Cheng has a new toy car, he asks to borrow it, and Cheng agrees. Later, when Cheng sees Huen with a very special toy car and asks to borrow it, Huen flatly refuses. The mother tries to gently persuade Huen, but unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum, accusing her of only supporting Cheng, and tosses aside the car he had borrowed from Cheng, leading to an awkward situation. The author then asks at what age Huen began to display this behavior. His mother replies, “Actually, he started behaving like this at five years old. I thought it would improve as he grew older, but it has only gotten worse.”

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How to Make Good Use of “One, Two, Three”

Parenting Tips

November 2024

Written by: Doctor Cheung Kit

 

I often see comments about parenting online and in newspapers. Many people believe that modern children are becoming increasingly difficult to control. For some reason, they seem to be getting smarter and more self-centered, so they don’t easily follow the guidance of their elders. Personally, I tend to be more conservative and believe that the main reason for children’s behavioral issues lies in our inadequate guidance as adults. In theory, no matter how intelligent a child is, as long as boundaries and rules are established early on, they can follow them well. Among various methods, today I want to discuss how to effectively use “One, Two, Three.”

 

This method is particularly effective for young children because their responses are simply about following the rules they are given. The approach is that when a child exhibits inappropriate behavior, parents can count “One, Two, Three.” If the child does not stop after the count, parents should impose appropriate consequences. The benefits of this method include:

 

  1. When children hear “One, Two, Three,” they know their parents are serious.
  2. “One, Two, Three” is time-bound; children cannot use delay tactics. It is more effective than saying “Hurry up” or “Right now.”
  3. Children have time to complete what they might originally think is acceptable behavior, so it doesn’t feel too abrupt.

Actually, before saying “One, Two, Three,” there is an implicit understanding between parents and children:

 

  1. Both parties understand the meaning of “One,” “Two,” and “Three.” “One” means parents dislike the child’s inappropriate behavior and want it to stop immediately. “Two” means that if the behavior does not stop right away, there will be consequences. “Three” means that parents will take action immediately.
  2. There is no “Four, Five, Six.” There should be reasonable consequences with no room for negotiation.
  3. Parents must ensure that the child receives the “One, Two, Three” warning. For example, the child must be able to see the parents starting to count.
  4. Counting “One, Two, Three” is already a mild approach that maintains dignity for both sides, so the only way to stop parents from continuing to count is for the child to stop the inappropriate behavior before reaching “One.”
  5. Parents need to say “One, Two, Three” seriously. If the child pretends not to hear or employs other tactics, it will not be effective.

 

In the initial implementation, both sides need time to adapt. However, parents must maintain a firm attitude and eye contact so that the child understands the intent. This “One, Two, Three” method can be used until the child begins to understand, such as in later elementary school, because children start to accept their parents’ explanations and reasoning more. I believe that proper guidance from parents is the key to effectively guiding children’s growth.

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Is Competition Just Stress? 3 Major Benefits to Help Children Build Inner Strength

Parenting Tips

November 2024

I believe all parents have heard the term “glass heart,” and no one wants their children to have a “glass heart.” Whether they are just starting school or entering the workforce, everyone faces various levels of competition. If they don’t know how to cope, it can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, even affecting personal development. Allowing children to participate in competitions based on their interests and willingness offers many benefits:

  1. Learning to Follow Rules

Every competition or competitive game has its own set of rules that must be followed, such as arriving on time and adhering to size specifications for submitted work. These experiences teach children the importance of following rules. Parents can also explain why these rules exist, such as fairness in size specifications and convenience with deadlines.

       2. Learning to Express Themselves

Not every child is born with a strong desire to perform or is accustomed to showcasing their talents. Children who participate in competitions can boost their confidence by observing the behavior of other children and responding to the cheers and encouragement from the audience, learning to be more willing to express themselves.

        3. Learning to Face Winning and Losing

In any competitive situation, whether it’s a competition or a game, there will always be winners and losers, and often there is only one champion. When a child achieves victory, parents can provide appropriate encouragement to maintain their enthusiasm for the activity and the competition. This is also a good opportunity to teach children to express gratitude to the staff, teammates, and friends who supported them during the competition.

Even if they unfortunately lose, parents can accompany their children through feelings of disappointment, helping them understand that even in failure, there are valuable lessons to be learned for next time. They should realize that losing a competition does not mean they gained nothing. More importantly, it’s essential to reflect on the experience of failure and prepare for the next opportunity.

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