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Open-ended questions help enhance children’s associative skills

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Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist

Many parents hope to enhance their children’s thinking skills. In fact, as long as parents properly guide their children to connect some small things in life and then ask leading questions, they can consciously think about the things they see and related knowledge. For example, when children see an apple, let them think about what kind of object is also round or red; when they hear the sound of birds, they will think about what kind of animal can fly.

 

Ask your child more questions that are not restrictive

 

When parents ask children questions, do not force them to answer or ask for a definite answer, or even ask them to answer the question right away because they may still be thinking about it. Parents do not need to ask any restrictive questions and can ask whatever comes to mind, such as what kind of objects chopsticks are like and what kind of people wear uniforms like students. In addition to making them think more, parents can also think and discuss with their children as a parent-child activity, which helps to enhance their relationship.

 

In addition to asking individual questions, parents can also allow children to answer questions with their siblings or friends. For children with higher ability, parents can let them answer more different answers; for children with average ability, they can answer fewer answers; for those with weaker ability, parents can guide them to answer through appropriate prompting and demonstration.

Parents can look for questions in their lives

 

Parents can look for questions in their lives that they can ask. They can even try to ask questions that are imaginative and open to discussion, so that their children can use their imagination and associative power. For example, parents can ask their children what things are round outdoors, what things in the house are made of iron, what foods are red, and so on. On the other hand, questions with definite and positive answers, such as math questions (1 plus 1 equals how many), are generally called “closed-ended questions” and are not very helpful in improving children’s associative skills because they only have specific answers.

In fact, creation and association should start from the smallest things, which is a good way to train children’s associative and thinking skills. Therefore, parents should start from today to enhance your child’s associative skills!

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Instead of Overprotecting, It’s Better to Accompany Them Through Ups and Downs.

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Written by: Child Play Therapist, Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi

Recently, I saw a friend share a short video on Facebook, featuring her 5-year-old son demonstrating how to cut broccoli with a serrated knife. The edited video lasted about three and a half minutes and was filmed entirely by the mother. In the video, the boy’s cutting skills were not exactly proficient, but he wore a calm expression and explained his actions confidently.

 

As a therapist, I completely agree with the mother’s approach of allowing her child to learn and gain experience from life. After all, the harm from a serrated knife is limited; even if he does cut himself, it would likely only result in a minor injury, and children tend to recover quickly. However, as a mother myself, I couldn’t help but feel worried while watching the entire process.

When the boy successfully cut through the broccoli, I let out a sigh of relief. I greatly admired his patience and effort, but I was even more impressed by the mother’s courage.

 

Many parents often struggle between allowing their children to try new things and worrying about them facing setbacks. While many parents rationally understand that children need some autonomy to develop a sense of responsibility and confidence, the instinct to protect their children from failure or pain is powerful. These worries and anxieties lead parents to protect their children from making mistakes in various ways, such as making decisions for them, completing responsibilities they should handle themselves, or persuading them to solve problems in the parents’ way.

 

Parents’ concerns about their children’s potential failures come from a place of love, which is natural. However, the greatest gift parents can give their children is not to protect them from making mistakes or getting hurt, but to accompany them through the highs and lows, as well as the successes and failures. This kind of companionship includes respect, trust, and support for the child—respecting their right to make their own choices, trusting that they can handle the consequences of those choices, and providing unwavering support when they face difficulties and setbacks.

No one can guarantee that a child’s life will be smooth sailing, but a parent’s presence can assure their child that they are never alone. Only then can children confidently explore, learn, and develop their strengths.

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Essay on Values Education (Empathy)

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by Dr. Cheuk Wong Wing Sze

 

Recently, with the unstable weather and frequent rain, I encountered a group of high school students waiting in line for the bus. To my surprise, one female student was without an umbrella, looking very disheveled. Quickly, I shared my umbrella with her. They were all in the same school uniform, possibly not well-acquainted with each other, yet seeing a fellow student in such a state, I wondered why no one else was willing to share their umbrella with her. This incident reminded me of the importance of fostering empathy from a young age.  

 

1.  Empathy as the Foundation

American psychologist Daniel Goleman, in his book “Working with Emotional Intelligence,” points out that the ability to handle interpersonal relationships is based on empathy. By trying to perceive the needs of others and caring about their perspectives, one can understand their viewpoints, recognize their emotions, respond to their feelings, and enhance their own empathy. In essence, stronger empathy leads to better interpersonal relationships, and vice versa.

 

2.  Recognizing Others’ Emotions

Through perspective-taking, understanding others’ emotions and thoughts is essential for empathizing and problem-solving from their standpoint. It is crucial to educate children from a young age to first recognize their own emotions. In Asian communities, emotions are often more reserved, with a wide range beyond just happy or sad. Teaching children that emotions are neither good nor bad but have appropriate and inappropriate ways of handling them is vital. For instance, it’s okay to feel angry, and when angry, expressing it to someone is acceptable, but resorting to violence is not. Understanding one’s emotions from a young age facilitates empathy towards others and gradually nurtures empathy.

3.  Perceiving Others’ Needs

In the bustling city of Hong Kong, where everyone is occupied, people often have their heads down engrossed in their phones, paying less attention to those around them. Teaching children to recognize their emotions and those of others from a young age helps them become more sensitive to the needs of others as they grow up.

 

I firmly believe that cultivating empathy in children from a young age is crucial. Recently, the Education Bureau has been advocating values education, which includes empathy. By fostering understanding of others’ feelings and needs from a young age, empathizing with others and putting oneself in their shoes, the world can become a better place.

 

Reference:

Daniel Goleman (1998). “Working with Emotional Intelligence.” Times Publishing Limited.

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Storytelling Aids Language Development: How to Enhance Children’s Narrative Skills?

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Written by: Speech Therapist Wong Nga Yan

Children learn to organize the vocabulary they have acquired into sentences through storytelling, which also promotes their cognitive and language development. However, many parents often find it challenging to guide their children in storytelling. Here are some tips to help enhance children’s narrative abilities.  

 

1.  Choose Appropriate Stories

As the saying goes, “To do a good job, one must first sharpen their tools.” If you want your child to tell stories well, the first step for parents is to select books that are suitable for their children. According to the “Guidelines on the Pre-primary Education Curriculum” published by the Curriculum Development Council in 2006, the content of books for young children should be healthy and interesting, with vivid character portrayals and illustrations that clearly display the theme.


When selecting books, parents should pay attention to whether the content aligns with the child’s interests and experiences. Additionally, parents should start with books that have simple plots and more repetitive sentences, helping children grasp and use the sentences within the stories. As children grow older, parents can choose books with more complex storylines. The themes of the stories can be diverse to enhance children’s exploration of the outside world.

2.  Learn Through Imitation

Most children not only enjoy listening to others tell stories but also like to tell stories themselves. However, some parents may be too eager and, after purchasing books, hurry their children to tell stories, which can lead to the child losing interest in storytelling. If a child has not yet mastered narrative structure, no amount of urging from the parent will result in a good story. Therefore, parents should first allow their children to learn through imitation. After reading a story to the child, parents can let the child know it’s their turn to tell the story and remind them to recount the events in order.

When the child is telling a story, parents should encourage them to use complete sentences and respond to their narrative. For instance, if the child uses a shorter sentence to tell the story, parents can extend the sentence by adding new content and encourage them to repeat it. For example, if the child says, “Bing Bing took the big apple,” the parent can try to expand the sentence to “Bing Bing took the biggest apple” and ask the child to repeat it.

If the child struggles to remember the details of the story, parents can provide appropriate prompts, such as pointing to pictures for reminders or using questions to guide them. After the child finishes telling the story, parents should praise their efforts. If the child still cannot recount the story content after prompting, the parent can help them recall the forgotten part and encourage them to continue.

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Children Love to Sleep with Their Parents: 5 Tips to Help Them Transition to Sleeping Alone

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Written by: Family Dynamics Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Elaine Fong

As the weather begins to warm up and summer approaches, this is not only a good time for children to potty train but also an excellent opportunity to prepare them for sleeping alone. Many new parents often feel uneasy about letting their young children sleep alone in their rooms. As a result, children end up sleeping with their parents or sharing a room from birth. Over time, the child’s bedroom becomes a storage room or a place where Dad sleeps alone.

 

Of course, parents also experience the “struggles” of sharing a room with their children, including not being able to chat casually in the room or being hesitant to turn over while sleeping, which prevents everyone from having their own space to rest well.

 

Encouraging Independence in Sleep

 

As children grow older, parents start discussing whether to allow their children to sleep alone. What age is appropriate for a child to sleep independently? I have seen many families where some children have slept alone since birth, while others are 12 years old and still share a bed with their mothers, with the father having slept alone for over ten years.

 

Every family’s situation is different, and there are various reasons for arranging for children to share a room or bed with their parents. Does long-term co-sleeping with children affect the couple’s relationship? Regardless of your family’s situation, if children can sleep independently, it positively contributes to their confidence, independence, and sense of responsibility.

 

Here are a few methods that may assist children in transitioning smoothly from sleeping with their parents to sleeping alone:

 

1.  Involve the Child in Designing Their Room

Allowing children to participate in selecting their favorite bed, bedding, wall patterns, or lighting can make them excited about this change and help them approach the separation from their parents with a positive attitude.

 

2.  Let the Child Choose a Comfort Object

Children’s desire to sleep with their parents often reflects their emotional attachment to them. Everyone has emotional attachment needs at different stages. If some of that emotional need for parents can be transferred to comfort objects, it can reduce the child’s anxiety about sleeping alone. Allowing the child to choose a comfort object, such as a stuffed animal, handkerchief, or pillow, can help them feel more secure while sleeping alone.

 

3.  Nap in the Child’s Room

In the early stages, allow the child to take naps in their own room to help them get accustomed to the new environment. Gradually, they will find it easier to accept this space as their own.

 

4.  Consistent Parental Action

Sometimes, it’s not that children are unwilling to sleep alone; rather, it’s the parents who are reluctant to separate. If both parents agree to arrange for the child to sleep alone, they need to support each other and act consistently.

 

5.  Persevere and Persist

Getting a child to sleep alone is not only a new experience for them but also requires adjustment from the parents. There will inevitably be challenges or moments when one might want to give up. As long as parents understand that this is a natural process, they can support each other and persist. If parents approach this transition with a positive attitude and a calm mindset, the child will gladly accept this change, which is beneficial for their growth and development.

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Improving Children’s “Slow” Attitude Toward Tasks

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Provided by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong

 

Often, impatient parents find themselves with children who move at a “slow” pace. For example, a little girl might be lying in bed when her mother calls her: “Get up, change your clothes…” But she continues to lie there. The anxious mother, unable to bear the ticking clock, might exclaim, “It’s too late!” and proceed to pull out clothes and accessories. Even if the girl stays lying down, her mother may lift her up to change her clothes and brush her teeth. In this process, the girl learns that by remaining unresponsive, her mother will ultimately do everything for her. This becomes a “reward” in her eyes, leading to a vicious cycle.

 

Thus, we often think it’s time for the child to speed up and learn to do things independently, rather than having the mother constantly urging her on or even helping her. At this moment, both sides face significant challenges. First, the mother must learn to control her anger. After all, this isn’t just a one-time issue; past experiences can leave a deep imprint on her. So, when she anticipates the next morning’s struggle to wake her daughter, she may already feel frustrated and impatient. With such feelings, it becomes difficult for her to give her daughter the space to dress herself. The first thing the mother needs to learn is self-regulation. What does that mean? It starts with telling herself, “Let’s start over.”

Secondly, the girl has learned that lying in bed without moving for a while will lead her mother to help her. Thus, for the daughter to find it easier to act, the mother must control her anger and allow her space to get dressed. Additionally, parents can offer rewards; for instance, they could designate the upcoming week as “Get Up by Yourself Week.” If the daughter can wake up and brush her teeth within 20 minutes, she could earn a reward, such as candy or an extra five minutes of playtime with her toys. This way, the daughter feels more motivated, and with her mother giving her space, she will gradually learn to do it herself.

 

After all the children finish their cake, they begin to play together. When Huen sees Cheng has a new toy car, he asks to borrow it, and Cheng agrees. Later, when Cheng sees Huen with a very special toy car and asks to borrow it, Huen flatly refuses. The mother tries to gently persuade Huen, but unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum, accusing her of only supporting Cheng, and tosses aside the car he had borrowed from Cheng, leading to an awkward situation. The author then asks at what age Huen began to display this behavior. His mother replies, “Actually, he started behaving like this at five years old. I thought it would improve as he grew older, but it has only gotten worse.”

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How to Make Good Use of “One, Two, Three”

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Written by: Doctor Cheung Kit

 

I often see comments about parenting online and in newspapers. Many people believe that modern children are becoming increasingly difficult to control. For some reason, they seem to be getting smarter and more self-centered, so they don’t easily follow the guidance of their elders. Personally, I tend to be more conservative and believe that the main reason for children’s behavioral issues lies in our inadequate guidance as adults. In theory, no matter how intelligent a child is, as long as boundaries and rules are established early on, they can follow them well. Among various methods, today I want to discuss how to effectively use “One, Two, Three.”

 

This method is particularly effective for young children because their responses are simply about following the rules they are given. The approach is that when a child exhibits inappropriate behavior, parents can count “One, Two, Three.” If the child does not stop after the count, parents should impose appropriate consequences. The benefits of this method include:

 

  1. When children hear “One, Two, Three,” they know their parents are serious.
  2. “One, Two, Three” is time-bound; children cannot use delay tactics. It is more effective than saying “Hurry up” or “Right now.”
  3. Children have time to complete what they might originally think is acceptable behavior, so it doesn’t feel too abrupt.

Actually, before saying “One, Two, Three,” there is an implicit understanding between parents and children:

 

  1. Both parties understand the meaning of “One,” “Two,” and “Three.” “One” means parents dislike the child’s inappropriate behavior and want it to stop immediately. “Two” means that if the behavior does not stop right away, there will be consequences. “Three” means that parents will take action immediately.
  2. There is no “Four, Five, Six.” There should be reasonable consequences with no room for negotiation.
  3. Parents must ensure that the child receives the “One, Two, Three” warning. For example, the child must be able to see the parents starting to count.
  4. Counting “One, Two, Three” is already a mild approach that maintains dignity for both sides, so the only way to stop parents from continuing to count is for the child to stop the inappropriate behavior before reaching “One.”
  5. Parents need to say “One, Two, Three” seriously. If the child pretends not to hear or employs other tactics, it will not be effective.

 

In the initial implementation, both sides need time to adapt. However, parents must maintain a firm attitude and eye contact so that the child understands the intent. This “One, Two, Three” method can be used until the child begins to understand, such as in later elementary school, because children start to accept their parents’ explanations and reasoning more. I believe that proper guidance from parents is the key to effectively guiding children’s growth.

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Is Competition Just Stress? 3 Major Benefits to Help Children Build Inner Strength

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I believe all parents have heard the term “glass heart,” and no one wants their children to have a “glass heart.” Whether they are just starting school or entering the workforce, everyone faces various levels of competition. If they don’t know how to cope, it can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, even affecting personal development. Allowing children to participate in competitions based on their interests and willingness offers many benefits:

  1. Learning to Follow Rules

Every competition or competitive game has its own set of rules that must be followed, such as arriving on time and adhering to size specifications for submitted work. These experiences teach children the importance of following rules. Parents can also explain why these rules exist, such as fairness in size specifications and convenience with deadlines.

       2. Learning to Express Themselves

Not every child is born with a strong desire to perform or is accustomed to showcasing their talents. Children who participate in competitions can boost their confidence by observing the behavior of other children and responding to the cheers and encouragement from the audience, learning to be more willing to express themselves.

        3. Learning to Face Winning and Losing

In any competitive situation, whether it’s a competition or a game, there will always be winners and losers, and often there is only one champion. When a child achieves victory, parents can provide appropriate encouragement to maintain their enthusiasm for the activity and the competition. This is also a good opportunity to teach children to express gratitude to the staff, teammates, and friends who supported them during the competition.

Even if they unfortunately lose, parents can accompany their children through feelings of disappointment, helping them understand that even in failure, there are valuable lessons to be learned for next time. They should realize that losing a competition does not mean they gained nothing. More importantly, it’s essential to reflect on the experience of failure and prepare for the next opportunity.

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Master These 3 Tips to Help Your Children Follow Instructions!

Parenting Tips

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“Why don’t you listen?” “Look at how well-behaved that child is.” Have you ever found these phrases familiar? The issue of children not listening is a common problem that many parents struggle to resolve. Some parents resort to scolding, which can worsen the parent-child relationship, while others choose to ignore the behavior, fearing their children will become worse as they grow up.

If you want your children to grow up healthy and happy while also being able to follow instructions, it’s actually not difficult—the key lies in the hands of the parents.

1. Avoid Bombarding with Demands

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that when you arrive at work, your boss immediately throws ten tasks at you. You would likely feel frustrated, unsure of where to start, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. The same goes for children; receiving too many instructions at once can leave them feeling confused, and they may not have the ability to prioritize those tasks, leading them to simply “pretend not to hear.” Parents should wait for their children to complete one task before giving them another, rather than listing all demands at once.

2. Avoid Using Interrogative Phrasing

Some parents like to give instructions in the form of questions, such as “How about you clean up after eating?” For children, this is not an instruction but rather a question that they can choose to ignore. If parents want their children to clean up after meals, they should say directly, “You need to clean up after eating.”

3. Choose a Time When Everyone is Focused

When to give instructions is also an important aspect. Sometimes, when children are watching TV or using their phones, they may not hear your instructions at all; they might just respond with a reflexive “Oh” or “Okay,” and then forget completely. Parents can wait until after the children have finished watching TV, or directly ask them for a minute of their attention to ensure that they understand the request. Additionally, when making requests, parents should also put aside other tasks to model focused communication for their children.

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Writing Skills Mini Training

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Article by Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, Psychological Counselor at the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association.

 

During the writing training session, Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, a psychological counselor from the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association, mentioned the common struggles children face when learning to write in K2.

 

“He can never write within the lines, everything ends up ‘flying’!”

“His letters always go beyond the boxes; usually, one letter ‘bullies’ two boxes!”

“He often skips lines or boxes while writing.”

“It seems like he lacks strength when writing, the writing is so light that it’s almost invisible!”

 

These are typical scenarios many children encounter when learning to write in K2. Writing requires a combination of various skills, with the most basic being the strength and flexibility of the small finger muscles (fine motor skills). Insufficient training in fine motor skills can lead to issues like weak or shaky handwriting. So, how can parents handle and train their children in this aspect? It’s simple—start by letting them play with clay, playdough, flour, and other similar materials from a young age.

Furthermore, visual spatial awareness and eye control are also crucial for handwriting. Engaging in general ball activities is excellent for training these skills. Tracking the ball visually and making contact (or kicking) the ball is a natural and fun way to practice. Additionally, activities like spot the difference games (finding variances in two pictures) and maze games (first visually finding the way out, then connecting the lines with a pen) can also enhance eye control abilities.

 

Hand-eye coordination is vital during handwriting practice and should not be overlooked! Activities like bean bag tossing, fishing games, pouring water exercises, and paper cutting can greatly improve hand-eye coordination.

 

When should these games be introduced, and how long should they be practiced daily? Ideally, parents can start playing these games with their children when they understand and are capable of playing. It’s crucial to base the duration of play on the child’s willingness. If a child loses interest, parents should switch activities rather than enforcing a specific time frame. The author believes that through daily play, children can naturally acquire skills, preventing issues from arising, rather than resorting to remedial exercises. Otherwise, even the most enjoyable games can become tedious and burdensome, leading to more suffering than enjoyment.

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