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Improving Children’s “Slow” Attitude Toward Tasks

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Provided by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong

 

Often, impatient parents find themselves with children who move at a “slow” pace. For example, a little girl might be lying in bed when her mother calls her: “Get up, change your clothes…” But she continues to lie there. The anxious mother, unable to bear the ticking clock, might exclaim, “It’s too late!” and proceed to pull out clothes and accessories. Even if the girl stays lying down, her mother may lift her up to change her clothes and brush her teeth. In this process, the girl learns that by remaining unresponsive, her mother will ultimately do everything for her. This becomes a “reward” in her eyes, leading to a vicious cycle.

 

Thus, we often think it’s time for the child to speed up and learn to do things independently, rather than having the mother constantly urging her on or even helping her. At this moment, both sides face significant challenges. First, the mother must learn to control her anger. After all, this isn’t just a one-time issue; past experiences can leave a deep imprint on her. So, when she anticipates the next morning’s struggle to wake her daughter, she may already feel frustrated and impatient. With such feelings, it becomes difficult for her to give her daughter the space to dress herself. The first thing the mother needs to learn is self-regulation. What does that mean? It starts with telling herself, “Let’s start over.”

Secondly, the girl has learned that lying in bed without moving for a while will lead her mother to help her. Thus, for the daughter to find it easier to act, the mother must control her anger and allow her space to get dressed. Additionally, parents can offer rewards; for instance, they could designate the upcoming week as “Get Up by Yourself Week.” If the daughter can wake up and brush her teeth within 20 minutes, she could earn a reward, such as candy or an extra five minutes of playtime with her toys. This way, the daughter feels more motivated, and with her mother giving her space, she will gradually learn to do it herself.

 

After all the children finish their cake, they begin to play together. When Huen sees Cheng has a new toy car, he asks to borrow it, and Cheng agrees. Later, when Cheng sees Huen with a very special toy car and asks to borrow it, Huen flatly refuses. The mother tries to gently persuade Huen, but unexpectedly, he throws a tantrum, accusing her of only supporting Cheng, and tosses aside the car he had borrowed from Cheng, leading to an awkward situation. The author then asks at what age Huen began to display this behavior. His mother replies, “Actually, he started behaving like this at five years old. I thought it would improve as he grew older, but it has only gotten worse.”

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How to Make Good Use of “One, Two, Three”

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Written by: Doctor Cheung Kit

 

I often see comments about parenting online and in newspapers. Many people believe that modern children are becoming increasingly difficult to control. For some reason, they seem to be getting smarter and more self-centered, so they don’t easily follow the guidance of their elders. Personally, I tend to be more conservative and believe that the main reason for children’s behavioral issues lies in our inadequate guidance as adults. In theory, no matter how intelligent a child is, as long as boundaries and rules are established early on, they can follow them well. Among various methods, today I want to discuss how to effectively use “One, Two, Three.”

 

This method is particularly effective for young children because their responses are simply about following the rules they are given. The approach is that when a child exhibits inappropriate behavior, parents can count “One, Two, Three.” If the child does not stop after the count, parents should impose appropriate consequences. The benefits of this method include:

 

  1. When children hear “One, Two, Three,” they know their parents are serious.
  2. “One, Two, Three” is time-bound; children cannot use delay tactics. It is more effective than saying “Hurry up” or “Right now.”
  3. Children have time to complete what they might originally think is acceptable behavior, so it doesn’t feel too abrupt.

Actually, before saying “One, Two, Three,” there is an implicit understanding between parents and children:

 

  1. Both parties understand the meaning of “One,” “Two,” and “Three.” “One” means parents dislike the child’s inappropriate behavior and want it to stop immediately. “Two” means that if the behavior does not stop right away, there will be consequences. “Three” means that parents will take action immediately.
  2. There is no “Four, Five, Six.” There should be reasonable consequences with no room for negotiation.
  3. Parents must ensure that the child receives the “One, Two, Three” warning. For example, the child must be able to see the parents starting to count.
  4. Counting “One, Two, Three” is already a mild approach that maintains dignity for both sides, so the only way to stop parents from continuing to count is for the child to stop the inappropriate behavior before reaching “One.”
  5. Parents need to say “One, Two, Three” seriously. If the child pretends not to hear or employs other tactics, it will not be effective.

 

In the initial implementation, both sides need time to adapt. However, parents must maintain a firm attitude and eye contact so that the child understands the intent. This “One, Two, Three” method can be used until the child begins to understand, such as in later elementary school, because children start to accept their parents’ explanations and reasoning more. I believe that proper guidance from parents is the key to effectively guiding children’s growth.

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Is Competition Just Stress? 3 Major Benefits to Help Children Build Inner Strength

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I believe all parents have heard the term “glass heart,” and no one wants their children to have a “glass heart.” Whether they are just starting school or entering the workforce, everyone faces various levels of competition. If they don’t know how to cope, it can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, even affecting personal development. Allowing children to participate in competitions based on their interests and willingness offers many benefits:

  1. Learning to Follow Rules

Every competition or competitive game has its own set of rules that must be followed, such as arriving on time and adhering to size specifications for submitted work. These experiences teach children the importance of following rules. Parents can also explain why these rules exist, such as fairness in size specifications and convenience with deadlines.

       2. Learning to Express Themselves

Not every child is born with a strong desire to perform or is accustomed to showcasing their talents. Children who participate in competitions can boost their confidence by observing the behavior of other children and responding to the cheers and encouragement from the audience, learning to be more willing to express themselves.

        3. Learning to Face Winning and Losing

In any competitive situation, whether it’s a competition or a game, there will always be winners and losers, and often there is only one champion. When a child achieves victory, parents can provide appropriate encouragement to maintain their enthusiasm for the activity and the competition. This is also a good opportunity to teach children to express gratitude to the staff, teammates, and friends who supported them during the competition.

Even if they unfortunately lose, parents can accompany their children through feelings of disappointment, helping them understand that even in failure, there are valuable lessons to be learned for next time. They should realize that losing a competition does not mean they gained nothing. More importantly, it’s essential to reflect on the experience of failure and prepare for the next opportunity.

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Master These 3 Tips to Help Your Children Follow Instructions!

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“Why don’t you listen?” “Look at how well-behaved that child is.” Have you ever found these phrases familiar? The issue of children not listening is a common problem that many parents struggle to resolve. Some parents resort to scolding, which can worsen the parent-child relationship, while others choose to ignore the behavior, fearing their children will become worse as they grow up.

If you want your children to grow up healthy and happy while also being able to follow instructions, it’s actually not difficult—the key lies in the hands of the parents.

1. Avoid Bombarding with Demands

Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine that when you arrive at work, your boss immediately throws ten tasks at you. You would likely feel frustrated, unsure of where to start, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work. The same goes for children; receiving too many instructions at once can leave them feeling confused, and they may not have the ability to prioritize those tasks, leading them to simply “pretend not to hear.” Parents should wait for their children to complete one task before giving them another, rather than listing all demands at once.

2. Avoid Using Interrogative Phrasing

Some parents like to give instructions in the form of questions, such as “How about you clean up after eating?” For children, this is not an instruction but rather a question that they can choose to ignore. If parents want their children to clean up after meals, they should say directly, “You need to clean up after eating.”

3. Choose a Time When Everyone is Focused

When to give instructions is also an important aspect. Sometimes, when children are watching TV or using their phones, they may not hear your instructions at all; they might just respond with a reflexive “Oh” or “Okay,” and then forget completely. Parents can wait until after the children have finished watching TV, or directly ask them for a minute of their attention to ensure that they understand the request. Additionally, when making requests, parents should also put aside other tasks to model focused communication for their children.

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Writing Skills Mini Training

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Article by Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, Psychological Counselor at the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association.

 

During the writing training session, Mr. Cheng Wai-keung, a psychological counselor from the Infant and Toddler Psychological Development Association, mentioned the common struggles children face when learning to write in K2.

 

“He can never write within the lines, everything ends up ‘flying’!”

“His letters always go beyond the boxes; usually, one letter ‘bullies’ two boxes!”

“He often skips lines or boxes while writing.”

“It seems like he lacks strength when writing, the writing is so light that it’s almost invisible!”

 

These are typical scenarios many children encounter when learning to write in K2. Writing requires a combination of various skills, with the most basic being the strength and flexibility of the small finger muscles (fine motor skills). Insufficient training in fine motor skills can lead to issues like weak or shaky handwriting. So, how can parents handle and train their children in this aspect? It’s simple—start by letting them play with clay, playdough, flour, and other similar materials from a young age.

Furthermore, visual spatial awareness and eye control are also crucial for handwriting. Engaging in general ball activities is excellent for training these skills. Tracking the ball visually and making contact (or kicking) the ball is a natural and fun way to practice. Additionally, activities like spot the difference games (finding variances in two pictures) and maze games (first visually finding the way out, then connecting the lines with a pen) can also enhance eye control abilities.

 

Hand-eye coordination is vital during handwriting practice and should not be overlooked! Activities like bean bag tossing, fishing games, pouring water exercises, and paper cutting can greatly improve hand-eye coordination.

 

When should these games be introduced, and how long should they be practiced daily? Ideally, parents can start playing these games with their children when they understand and are capable of playing. It’s crucial to base the duration of play on the child’s willingness. If a child loses interest, parents should switch activities rather than enforcing a specific time frame. The author believes that through daily play, children can naturally acquire skills, preventing issues from arising, rather than resorting to remedial exercises. Otherwise, even the most enjoyable games can become tedious and burdensome, leading to more suffering than enjoyment.

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How to Enhance Children’s Vocabulary? 2 Essential Methods to Implement in Daily Life!

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Source: Speech Therapist Mom Miss Carley

Vocabulary skills can be divided into two categories: expressive and receptive. Expressive vocabulary refers to the words that children can say, while receptive vocabulary refers to the words that children can understand when they hear or see them.

Generally, children have a larger receptive vocabulary than expressive vocabulary. For example, a one-year-old child can say about five words, such as “Daddy,” “Mommy,” “Grandma,” “street,” and “ball.” However, they can understand more words than they can express. For instance, if a parent says, “Where is the light?” the child may be able to point to it. They can also understand questions like “Do you want a bun?” or “Are you drinking milk?” and phrases like “Let’s go to the street.”

Expressive Vocabulary Levels by Age:

  • 1 year: Can say some single words.
  • 5 years: About fifty words; can use some single words to form short sentences.
  • 2 years: Can reach two hundred to three hundred words.

3 years: About five hundred to one thousand expressive words.

In fact, the way and amount of time parents converse with their children daily is directly related to the children’s vocabulary development. So, how can we enhance children’s vocabulary in daily life?

Method 1: Stimulating Language Environment

During infancy and toddlerhood, parents should engage in more conversations, play parent-child games, and sing songs to encourage interaction. In the process, parents can try to use different types of vocabulary to describe their children’s actions. For instance, when a child is playing with a toy car, instead of just saying the noun, “Yes, that’s a car,” parents might also add adjectives, saying, “Yes, this car is red and very big.” They can also use verbs, saying, “Ah! You are driving the car,” or “You are sitting in the car.” Additionally, using locational words like “Now the car is on the table…under the table” can expose children to a variety of vocabulary and help them express themselves better.

Method 2: Aligning with Children’s Interests

If a child enjoys reading, engaging in parent-child reading can introduce many new words. Furthermore, parents can describe the events happening around them based on their child’s abilities and interests. For example, at the supermarket, parents might say, “These are bananas and apples.” When in the car, they can talk about the scenery outside.

If the child has the ability, parents can also describe events that happened earlier, such as, “This morning we played at the park and kicked a soccer ball,” allowing the child to use more vocabulary related to past experiences.

For older children with higher vocabulary skills, parents can play word games with them, such as naming fruits, modes of transportation, or animals. They can also engage in activities where they compare words with specific characteristics, like naming red foods—tomatoes, strawberries, and apples. Alternatively, parents can ask children to think of words related to a specific term. For example, when thinking about summer, they might come up with ice cream, heat, rain, and swimming. These activities not only enrich children’s vocabulary skills but also enhance their associative thinking and imagination.

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Healthy Back Care Exercises – Suitable for Both Adults and Children

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Written by: Fong Wai Kwan, Dr. Kong’s Professional Team of Registered Physiotherapist

 

Parents should avoid letting their children develop the following bad postures, which can affect the development of the spine:

 

When children are doing their homework, they should avoid sitting sideways to one side, as this posture can easily lead to uneven use of force on the left and right sides of the spine, causing problems such as scoliosis. At the same time, they should maintain an upright posture in both the neck and waist.

When children use computers, they should not lean their necks too far forward to look at the screen, as this can easily lead to neck strain. Parents should also remind children to keep their necks and backs straight, and choose chairs that are adjustable in height and equipped with backrests and armrests to support the back, hands, and wrists. Additionally, the screen should be positioned at a height not above eye level. After every 30 minutes of computer use, there should be adequate rest breaks taken.

 

When lifting heavy objects from the floor, it is best to avoid bending the waist forward to pick them up. Instead, one should adopt a semi-squatting posture, keeping the waist straight. Then, grip the heavy object with both hands, keeping it as close to the body as possible. Finally, use the leg muscles to stand up, maintaining a straight waist.

 

Neck Stretching Exercises

Purpose: To help relieve muscle tension in the neck

Steps: 1. Turn your head to the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.

  1. Move your head up and down, holding each position for 10 seconds.
  2. Tilt your head towards the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.

 

Shoulder Stretching Exercises

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the shoulder muscles

Steps: Place your hands on your shoulders, and rotate your elbows forward and backward 10 times in each direction.

Chest Stretching

Purpose: To help stretch the chest muscles and improve poor posture

Steps: Firmly grasp your hands behind your back, and raise your hands as high as possible, holding for 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times per day.

 

Stretching the Back and Waist Muscles

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the back and waist muscles

Steps: 1. Place your hands on your knees, then bend forward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.

  1. Place your hands on your hips, then bend backward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.

 

Side Body Stretching

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the side waist muscles

Steps: 1. Place your hands on your hips and twist your waist from side to side, slowly returning to the starting standing position with hands on hips. Hold each side for 10 seconds.

  1. Raise your left hand and bend to the right, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.
  2. Raise your right hand and bend to the left, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.

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Why do children have the habit of sucking their fingers? What can parents do about it?

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Written by: Ms. Chan-Chen Shu-an, Early Childhood Education Specialist

 

Some children still have the habit of sucking their fingers even when they enter kindergarten, or even at ages 5 or 6. According to Dr. David Levy’s research, children who finish a bottle of milk in 10 minutes (possibly due to a larger bottle nipple hole) are more likely to develop the habit of sucking their fingers, compared to children who finish the entire bottle in 20 minutes. Dr. Levy also experimented by feeding puppies with a dropper, so they didn’t have a chance to suck while drinking milk. The result was that the puppies reacted by sucking each other’s or their own skin, and some even peeled off the skin through excessive sucking. From this, we can understand that the behavior of infants sucking their fingers in the first few months is due to the lack of satisfaction from sucking, it is a need, and not an innate or bad behavior.

 

Why do children develop the habit of sucking their fingers?

 

Breastfeeding Promotes Parent-Child Bonding

When a mother can breastfeed her baby, the infant is the happiest, because not only does the baby receive proper nutrition, but also the skin-to-skin contact provides warmth and a sense of security. Moreover, by sucking on the soft nipple, in addition to getting fed, the baby also enjoys the communication and deep love between mother and child. This profound affection and intimacy is incomparable to being fed by a cold bottle. The baby also experiences an unparalleled sense of fulfillment from the sucking.

 

However, as most mothers have to work outside the home, and for various other reasons, they have to use bottles to feed their children. In these cases, parents should pay special attention to the frequency and time taken for bottle-feeding. Mothers should calmly let the child eat slowly, and pay particular attention to the size of the bottle nipple hole. If the baby’s sucking needs are adequately met, they are less likely to develop the habit of sucking their fingers. Babies tend to start finger-sucking unconsciously – their little fingers move around and end up in their mouth, and they find pleasure and satisfaction in sucking on them.

Venting Psychological Stress

 

However, if the habit of thumb-sucking persists even at the age of 4-5 years old, the meaning is different. This could be a way to vent psychological stress. For example: due to conflicts between parents, the child feels anxious; because of a new sibling, the child fears losing parental love; because parents are too busy and unable to take care of them, the child feels lonely and lacks the warmth of a family; or the child was sent to kindergarten too early and lacks proper care, resulting in a lack of a sense of security. These factors can lead the child to feel anxiety, uneasiness, tension, and panic, which are all causes of psychological stress.

 

Just like adults, when children experience psychological stress, they need to vent it, which is a very natural phenomenon. Adults often use smoking to relax themselves. Children may use thumb-sucking or rocking to vent their emotional tension. In this case, as parents, in addition to paying attention to improving their attitude towards the child, they should also have extra patience. They should maintain a calm and kind attitude, so that the child can feel relaxed and not under pressure. If the parents show worry, tension or are hasty in correcting the behavior, such as tying the hands or applying bitter medicine, it will only backfire and increase the child’s insecurity. The child wants to stop the habit but cannot control it, creating a vicious cycle that prolongs the thumb-sucking habit.

What can parents do?

 

  1. Breastfeed as much as possible, as this is the most natural and suitable feeding method for infants, and it reduces the chances of the child developing a thumb-sucking habit.

 

  1. When using a bottle to feed the child, parents should pay special attention to the feeding time, and aim to maintain the feeding for 15 to 20 minutes, which is relatively ideal.

 

  1. Use toys and dolls to engage the child in finger activities, in order to divert the child’s habit of thumb-sucking.

 

  1. Spend more time with the child, playing together, telling stories, and singing children’s songs, so that the child does not feel lonely and bored, and thus less inclined to suck their thumb.

 

  1. When the child sucks their thumb excessively, parents should still be patient and maintain a calm and relaxed attitude. Sometimes, ignoring the behavior and not drawing attention to it can naturally lead to the disappearance of the thumb-sucking habit.

 

  1. If the child has had a thumb-sucking habit for many years before the age of 6, it will gradually disappear, especially when the child no longer sucks their thumb during the day, but only while sleeping. Parents should be patient and wait, as rushing to correct the habit is ineffective. Particularly after the child starts kindergarten, the habit may disappear naturally, as the child may not want to suck their thumb in front of their peers, or they are too busy with other activities at school.

 

  1. Sucked fingers can have an unpleasant odor. If a child aged 5-6 still has the thumb-sucking habit, parents can try having the child smell the unpleasant odor, which may help correct this bad habit.

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Is it Eczema or Skin Sensitivity?

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Written by: YEUNG Ming Ha, Registered Chinese Medicine Practitioner

 

As we move into early autumn, in addition to starting to feel the cool breezes, we also notice that many of our friends around us have started to “itch”, and skin problems have come knocking on the door again! Many people have rushed to seek medical attention, constantly inquiring whether they have already contracted incurable eczema. Although eczema itself has different categories, in terms of the pathogenesis, there are many similarities with skin sensitivity. How exactly should we distinguish between skin sensitivity and eczema? Is eczema really as terrible as it seems?

 

1. Causes of the Condition

Eczema is a common type of allergic dermatitis that is not contagious. In traditional Chinese medicine, it is referred to as “damp sores”, and it is a very common skin condition. The internal factors of eczema include constitution, emotions, and organ dysfunction, while the external factors include wind, dampness, and heat obstructing the skin. “Where evil congregates, the vital energy must be deficient.” When the body’s righteous qi is weakened, and the immune system function is reduced, wind, dampness, and heat evils permeate the skin, leading to the development or worsening of eczema.

Skin sensitivity, also known as urticaria, is closely related to certain food sensitivities or contact with substances. There are two common types of skin sensitivity. The first is an allergic reaction triggered by exposure to external irritants such as metals, dust mites, and chemicals. The second is caused by food sensitivity, which can lead to varying degrees of skin sensitivity issues, including redness, dryness, and peeling, as well as intense itching that may result in a “scratching” sensation.

2. Differences in the Appearance of the Affected Areas

In terms of the appearance of the skin rash, skin sensitivity generally presents with redness, and even urticaria, which can worsen after scratching. Acute eczema can manifest with red rashes, oozing, and even bleeding, while chronic eczema can lead to thickening of the stratum corneum, an uneven surface, dryness, and even cracking. Once this thickened stratum corneum is scratched off, it can not only cause bleeding, but also result in oozing. Moreover, eczema can occur on any part of the body, such as the ears, head, face, hands, navel, and legs, but in a symmetrical distribution. Patients often experience intense itching, and when they scratch the affected areas, it can lead to skin erosion, oozing of serous fluid, and even the formation of thick crusts. The repeated episodes can make the skin surface rough and with raised lesions.

3. Treatments Converge Towards the Same Goal

Skin problems are primarily related to the three pathogenic factors of wind, dampness, and heat, especially dampness. Dampness can engender heat, leading to a damp-heat pattern. Over time, dampness can injure the spleen, while heat can damage the yin blood, resulting in a mixed pattern of deficiency and excess. This is because the patient’s innate constitution (inherent physical factors) is intolerant, with a weakened spleen and stomach, leading to the generation of internal damp-heat. When combined with an external wind evil, the internal and external evils interact, causing the wind-damp-heat evil to permeate the skin. Patients generally have a congenitally weak spleen and stomach constitution. Excessive consumption of spicy, irritating foods like seafood, or a large intake of raw, cold foods in summer can lead to dampness and toxins burdening the body, further impairing the spleen’s function and increasing the likelihood of developing skin sensitivity.

Therefore, dietary adjustment is crucial in the treatment of skin problems. Patients with skin diseases should avoid “aggravating foods” during the treatment period. These include seafood, beef, sweets, spicy foods, and alcohol – items that can trigger or worsen skin rashes. Patients should also avoid various skin irritants, such as scratching, using strongly alkaline soaps, taking hot showers, and engaging in activities that cause excessive sweating, as these can provide relief for eczema.

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Obsession: Separation Anxiety

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Written by: Hong Kong Registered Psychologist, Ching Wai Keung

 

Around nine months of age, babies become unusually clingy. Even if the mother goes to the bathroom, the baby may appear extremely anxious, clinging tightly to the mother and even crying loudly.

 

Separation anxiety can lead to two different types of reactions. In some cases, when separated from the caregiver, the baby will exhibit attachment-seeking behaviors, such as clinging to the mother, trying every possible way to find the mother, or crawling wherever the mother goes (Ainsworth, Bell, & Stayton, 1971). Separation can also result in behaviors such as despair, resistance, and detachment, depending on the duration of the separation (Bowlby, 1960; Robertson & Robertson, 1989).

 

A child’s reaction to separation can also change depending on the environment. For example, in a familiar home environment, the child will exhibit less anxiety compared to being in an unfamiliar environment (Ross, Kagan, Zelazo, & Kotelchuck, 1975).

Around seven months of age, the concept of object permanence begins to emerge in children. They understand that even if they cannot see someone or something, it does not mean that the person or object has disappeared. When children are able to establish this concept, their separation anxiety will relatively decrease. If the mother can frequently communicate with the child, express positive emotions and feelings towards the infant, and provide appropriate stimulation and assistance, the child will more easily grasp and apply the concept of object permanence to both objects and people (Chazan, 1981).

 

Helping children cope with separation anxiety requires a certain amount of time, allowing the child and caregiver to develop a close, attached emotional relationship (Attachment), and waiting for the child’s own development to mature before it can be effective. For a two-year-old child, they can use photographs to alleviate their feelings of sorrow when separated from their caregiver (Passman & Longeway, 1982); a three-year-old child can even stay overnight at their grandparents’ house without their parents being present.

 

Whether a child can develop this kind of “resilience” depends on whether the caregiver and the child can establish a close emotional relationship. Once the mutual relationship is established, the child can soothe their anxiety caused by separation by imagining the image of their parents and recalling their parents’ love (Development Through Life, Barbara M. Newman, Philip R. Newman, Wadsworth, 2003).

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