Written by: Family Dynamics Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Elaine Fong
As the weather begins to warm up and summer approaches, this is not only a good time for children to potty train but also an excellent opportunity to prepare them for sleeping alone. Many new parents often feel uneasy about letting their young children sleep alone in their rooms. As a result, children end up sleeping with their parents or sharing a room from birth. Over time, the child’s bedroom becomes a storage room or a place where Dad sleeps alone.
Of course, parents also experience the “struggles” of sharing a room with their children, including not being able to chat casually in the room or being hesitant to turn over while sleeping, which prevents everyone from having their own space to rest well.
Encouraging Independence in Sleep
As children grow older, parents start discussing whether to allow their children to sleep alone. What age is appropriate for a child to sleep independently? I have seen many families where some children have slept alone since birth, while others are 12 years old and still share a bed with their mothers, with the father having slept alone for over ten years.
Every family’s situation is different, and there are various reasons for arranging for children to share a room or bed with their parents. Does long-term co-sleeping with children affect the couple’s relationship? Regardless of your family’s situation, if children can sleep independently, it positively contributes to their confidence, independence, and sense of responsibility.
Here are a few methods that may assist children in transitioning smoothly from sleeping with their parents to sleeping alone:
1. Involve the Child in Designing Their Room
Allowing children to participate in selecting their favorite bed, bedding, wall patterns, or lighting can make them excited about this change and help them approach the separation from their parents with a positive attitude.
2. Let the Child Choose a Comfort Object
Children’s desire to sleep with their parents often reflects their emotional attachment to them. Everyone has emotional attachment needs at different stages. If some of that emotional need for parents can be transferred to comfort objects, it can reduce the child’s anxiety about sleeping alone. Allowing the child to choose a comfort object, such as a stuffed animal, handkerchief, or pillow, can help them feel more secure while sleeping alone.
3. Nap in the Child’s Room
In the early stages, allow the child to take naps in their own room to help them get accustomed to the new environment. Gradually, they will find it easier to accept this space as their own.
4. Consistent Parental Action
Sometimes, it’s not that children are unwilling to sleep alone; rather, it’s the parents who are reluctant to separate. If both parents agree to arrange for the child to sleep alone, they need to support each other and act consistently.
5. Persevere and Persist
Getting a child to sleep alone is not only a new experience for them but also requires adjustment from the parents. There will inevitably be challenges or moments when one might want to give up. As long as parents understand that this is a natural process, they can support each other and persist. If parents approach this transition with a positive attitude and a calm mindset, the child will gladly accept this change, which is beneficial for their growth and development.